Dang Wong

My new year's resolution is to start a blog; partly because I think they are cool, partly because people have asked me to, but mostly because I want people to realize that I am Chelsea Handler and Craig Ferguson's love child and that I should get my own show.

Since my first two days of 2010 were spent nursing a hangover with scorpion bowls and Chinese food, I've decided to begin by telling you about the third day of the new year which then became the fourth; though it all seems to blend together as one long 31 hour day...

My return to Hawaii, from Boston, was scheduled to take 13hrs and 47 mins. with one layover in San Francisco for 34 minutes. My "day" began with an accumulated 12 inches of snow on the ground and still steadily falling. Though I love my family, friends and being in Boston, I had already mentally prepared to leave and endure my long travels. Between the road conditions and heightened security at the airports, especially the Sunday after New years, My Mom and I decided it would be best to leave about 2.5 hours before take off. We got to Logan Airport in really good time, as the roads weren't as bad as we'd anticipated. After checking my bags curbside (I will never understand people that don't...it's a small tip to save a big line...), I preceded to the security line only to find that it was just me and one other guy in line. Everyone must've still been checking their bags, HA!. The guy, Liam McGillis, was an Irish Exchange Student headed back to Dublin. He turned around and said, "I was expecting a hell of a line, fancy a pint at the bar?" It should be obvious what my answer was.

After about 3 pints and lots of explaining to Liam why Americans are so infatuated with football (the Pats game was on), I learned that my flight had been delayed at least 3 hours. What does this mean to me? There is no way in hell I am going to make my (34 mins.) connection to Honolulu. I immediately asserted myself at the United Airlines desk, where I learned that they had re-scheduled me on the first flight out of SFO in the morning with a "brief", three hour, layover at LAX before returning to Hawaii. I immediately started asking what hotel they were putting me up in and what restaurants I could plan on getting free food at. Much to my dismay, I learned that due to weather, or an act of God, the airlines didn't have to give me anything...

I quickly returned to my spot at the bar for the rest of the game as I knew seats were filling up fast. Liam had since departed and I spent the next two hours talking to the Bartender from Revere and some randoms at the bar; what we talked about is a little hazy. Must've been the pints I had fancied.

My flight to San Francisco was relatively smooth. I listened to my ipod and went in and out of sleep. A flight attendant friend of mine told me if you bring the crew gifts, you get hooked up - it works! I didn't pay for any drinks and they even heated up the American Chop Suey my mom had packed me for dinner (thanks Mom!). In a conversation with a crew member during flight, I told her I had to sleep on the SF airport floor. She told me that our delay was mechanical and the airline was going to try and tell us it was due to weather so they wouldn't have to pay anything out....interesting.

When we land in SF, I immediately began looking for the customer service desk (already feeling bad for whomever would have to deal with me). I got in line behind about six other people; all of whom were told there was nothing the airline could do. When it was my turn at the counter there was only one other person behind me. Her name was Tammi from Dorcester, a very vocal African American women that soon became my travel partner. I asked the representative what hotel I would be in and where I could plan on eating. She began to tell me they were not responsible for....when I filled her in on my conversation with the crew member. She continued to tell me there was nothing she could do unless the pilot changed the reason for delay in the computer, thinking I would stop there. Apparently she didn't know who she was dealing with. I went back to the terminal and intercepted the flight attendant I had spoken to earlier. She told me to hold on, made a phone call, and had it changed. I went back to the desk where Tammi and I were both given room vouchers at the Hilton and $60 meal vouchers. (We were the only two people, everyone else was already setting up camp in the airport.)

Tammi and I began to make acquaintance on the hotel shuttle. I learned that you never had to work if you are on "SSI". Being the Marblehead kid that I am, I had to no idea what that meant. She explained that her and her husband were on Social Security and it doesn't matter what state one lives in, it's the same amount of money...they choose Hawaii, much better than Dorcester (Dot). After checking in, I dropped my stuff off, took a shower (thank God) and went to the hotel bar for dinner and maybe a pint or twelve. The only other people in the bar were two grad students from Orange County that were currently living in Glasgow. They were stuck in SF and had almost 18 hours until they could get the next flight to Heathrow. We had dinner and hit it off pretty well (the pints.) After the bar closed at 12:30, they of course had a 30 rack in their room. I went for half a beer and went to bed before my 3:30 wake up call.

Next thing I know, the phone is ringing and I have 30 mins to be downstairs and on the shuttle. When I opened the door, Tammi is in the hallway simultaneously coming out of her room. She said to me, "Oh that was your room?! Shit, I wonder whose door I was banging on last night! I wanted to tell you how gross my fish and chips were from room service!!" Shocking Tammi, shocking. SFO was painless, flight was like 40 mins.

During my three hour layover at LAX, I sat around listening to my ipod knowing that was probably the worst thing I could do as my battery would be dead 30 mins after take off. We board the plane and it is a FULL flight. Oh yeah, forgot to mention that in my yelling at United Airlines for trying to pull a fast one the night before, I got a first class ticket and I got Tammi into business class. So, I sit down next to a local guy from Kona and another kid around my age who looks at me and says, "I have been traveling for 37 hours from Switzerland, I am going to black out." This was going to get very interesting, very quickly.

During the boarding process, remember I'd boarded first (class), they kept paging a "Dang Wong". I don't really think anything of it; though I am internally laughing every time I hear his name. Well, it turns out that Dang Wong's family had made it aboard the flight but he was no where to be found. Forty mins after scheduled departure and a whole lot of paging his family decides, and allows the other 306 passengers, to leave without Dang Wong.

Drink service could not come soon enough for the kid, Justin, sitting next to me. We proceeded to strike up a chat. He also lives in Hawaii so we have some common ground. Within forty-five mins of the flight, he had six gin and tonics. I had half a mimosa and was not feeling the alcohol. The flight attendant cut him off after his sixth and told him he needed to wait at least a half hour....like that was going to do anything. It turned out to be a great flight because the row in front of Justin and I was a nice married couple with an 8 mos. old baby whom, Thank GOD, didn't' cry once. We spent the entire flight talking politics (in a good way), they too are Ron Paul supporters and were moving to Hawaii without having been there (military)....kept ourselves engaged for six hours....unfortunately Justin didn't "stay awake" the entire flight.

I got off the plane in Honolulu and was almost tackled my Tammi thanking me for her business class seat. After going on and on about the leg room, and the fact she had priority headbins (what?!), she reminded me of which forms I need to fill out to collect "SSI"; little did she know that it goes against everything I believe in. We proceeded to baggage claim; the whole lot of us - I was basically holding Justin up at this point...still not a peep from the baby. Tammi and I learned that our bags had been in Honolulu since midnight the night before. After I got the vision of them circling the conveyor belt for twelve hours out of my head, we were told we 'just' had to find Rhonda, a 300 lbs Hawaiian women, to open up the locker. Rhonda was on a cigarette break. I could not get home fast enough!

I got on the "Reliable" Shuttle to Waikiki. Traffic was light, we were making great time. I could feel my pillow and sheets already. As we are crossing the McCully bridge into Waikiki, the Asian man on the shuttle (not Dang Wong) started shouting, "No, I live in Chinatown, Chinatown! I know owner, bring me to Chinatown or I call him!!" We then LEAVE WAIKIKI to go to Chinatown, which is about 25 mins out of the way. My blood is boiling. BOILING. The only other people on the bus were two honey-moon couples that had no idea where the f they were. We finally got back to Waikiki, I got my suitcases, didn't tip (which I NEVER do, but this was awful), bought a plate lunch, got in the elevator and went to sleep for fourteen hours. I had finally made it back!

I hope you enjoyed my first blog post. I don't attract things like this I just try to find the humor in it. It was all very humorous once it was OVER! All in all, I made six Facebook friends (Yes, Tammi is on the book!) and made memories with some very randoms. Thanks for reading, more to come. Oh yeah, remember to bring your flight attendents chocolates....it could get you a room at the Hilton.

xR